2nd morning off of Venlafaxine and woof. this shit is murder. the withdrawal just fucking takes the legs off your brain. I was gonna go get it refilled today, but it's a sunday, so the pharmacy's closed. I'll get it tomorrow. man, whenever i close my eyes, this keyboard starts feeling huge. wild shit.

anyway, i dropped out of college. kinda, i'm gonna finish my degree slowly, just like a class or two a semester, but i'm not taking anything for now just so's i can get a job and get used to my new living situation. I'm rooming with one of my brother's old college friends in a house. christ, you forget how nice it is to have your own space. That was the worst part of living on campus, having to share a tiny room with somebody. the house is in absolute disrepair, but it's a different kind of shittiness to living in dorms. it's homey-er, it's nice. the shower's one of the biggest i've ever stepped foot in, holy shit. just so much space, and i don't have to squat to fit my hair under the showerhead.

but yeah, i'm having a pretty bad day today. it's probably just the missed meds. it's funny, i feel about as worthless and empty as i did back in college when i was taking the meds. funny to know that college and my meds have about the same potency, just in opposite directions. it's not my worst, though, so that's good. feels like as long as i've got a direction that isn't down, i'll be alright. nice to know.

i really want to make an album this year. i'm still not sure what i want it to be, though. i'm worried that i don't really have my own artistic identity, so anythingi make will just end up sounding kind of empty and impersonal. i'll do my best though.

god, r/femaledatingstrategy is such a wealth of emotional self harm for me. feels fucking incredible to see people call men like me out for being worthless, validates my every negative thought. it probably is actually more ethical for me to just never hit on or try to approach women, tbh. also a lot of fun insults to call myself. lvm. scrote. scrote's a real fun one, lmao.

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